So I'm leaving on Tuesday and of course I get in to a huge argument with my mother like 3 days before I leave. She's so defensive that it's impossible to talk with her rationally. Both my parents were in the conversation- my dad is fine, not angry, my mom however is livid. She shuts down in an arugment, puts up a wall, and makes a scene. She always has to be the victom in the argument and it's really getting old. But the real problem lies not in the argument but in the consequences of the discussion. She's supposed to give me 250 dollars for my birthday to help me out in Europe. We're supposed to go to brunch tomorrow, she's supposed to do my hair Monday, and we're supposed to get pedicures on Tuesday before I leave. Now, how likely do you think she is to doing nice things for me when she's pissed off? Very little. I don't care about the brunch or hair or nails but the money is really needed. I've been counting on this birthday gift to help me move. I guess I just let her be angry and immature- slamming doors OVER AND OVER (its like the scene in super star), and screaming.... really about nothing. Maybe she'll come around tomorrow- not likely. Not sure what to do. Gotta go see what she's destroying,just heard a huge crash...

I deampt of elephants and apple sauce last night. Glad to see the vicodin is keeping me entertained. I've spent the past 4 days in a bed and I can't say that I regret it in the slightest. I've had four months of non-stop skiing and working; my body just needed the time off. I didn't truly get bored once. If I was tired of watching TV, I read, if I didn't want to read, I slept. It was so wonderful to do nothing. Today, I actually was somewhat productive. I went to the doctor, the dentist, the courthouse, shopping, and even visited a friend. But during all of these activities, I could do nothing but think of the neglected bed upstairs. Taking these past sick days, reguardless of my pain, were very enjoyable. I should have a "lie in" more often.
England in a week. So much to do, I don't even know where to start. I need to clean out my car. Do all my laundry. Pack all of my clothes. Go to the university to sort out my payment situation. See all my friends and say goodbye. Celebrate Mother's Day and my birthday. Get a pedicure. Get all my paychecks from Summit County. Turn in my uniform. Ah! So much to do... and all I want is another sick day.
So let go, let go.

Awake at 1 13 in the morning. Had my wisdom teeth out- luckily only two. I slept for mainly the whole day. I've got so much to do and really I shouldn't have moved up my flight. But I can safely say at this point I need to be out of America soon. I'm done with Colorado until November. I never thought I would say this but I think I'll miss my mom the most out of everything. I'm glad I finally have a relationship with her. She's becoming my best friend<-- something I thought I'd never have with her. I'll miss Sydni (Sydi Wydi Poo face) of course, and my dad. Friends will come to visit. I'll make new ones. I'm excited. I just wish I could get some sleep. Or maybe find something productive to do. Good luck to me.
Your eyes are read, your tears are shed, this world you must have crossed

Plans are set and in line. Moving out has commensed and the sun has come to greet by melting snow and bringing warmth. I'm staying in Colorado for a month before anything happens. I move to England May 10th, but I have a month lull. I plan on catching up on some reading and writing. I also have a lot to do before I leave: Doctors apt, Dentist apt, packing etc. I've got my passport, I don't need a visa. It's just hard right now to see everyone leaving Summit County and I just going back down to Golden. I need something very entertaining during these next weeks. Blaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Sitting in my apartment, watching Jackass. Thought alone time was going to be good this evening but I think I've forgotten what myself is like. Not that its a bad thing, I'm always with people lately. My roommate isn't even home. What to do tonight. I've come between some problems. I thought living in a place with all guys would be great- and don't get me wrong its quite wonderful- but I've had the "I'm not interested in anything serious" talk like 1,000 times. haha I'm stuck. oh well, I'm complaining about dating too many guys "SHUT UP EVAN"
Anyway, I'm home alone. My mom said she would pay me 1,000 dollars if I write in to Oprah and win her a prize. So I'm trying to do that now, but no words are coming. Apparently, the powm I wrote about AIDS on November 3 is in a national championship(?) or something for a writing contest. I dont even know.
Jackass is now winning my attention I have to go.
I know the heart of life is good.

I’ve stayed home and I’ve gone out
But purgatory follows
The wakened and the dead are found
In restless and sleepless hallows
Lucid and in altered state
Fall without refusal
Climb the wall you’ve built yourself
And search for some approval
Know the lies and all the sweat
That goes towards your defense
Read the wrong and hate the right
Go daft in your own suspense
The cries you leave in trees alone
Can anyone know they’re true?
Do they exist if no ones found
So blindly plant your ruse

So long, so so long since I've written. A lot has happened. One day I decided it would be best if I moved to the mountains. So I packed everything up, found a place, got a job at Keystone as a ski instructor and moved on up here. I've had the best time of my life. I can't even be away from here from hours with out becoming extremely homesick for the mountains. I love it here. I'm surrounded by boys. The ratio here is 7 guys to 1 girl... I'm in heaven. I'm one of the only Americans! Ireland, Scotland, Australia, New Zealand, Spain- EVERYWHERE. All wonderful accents. I've also already found a group of girls. We do everything together- girls are rare up here so we tend to stick together. I'm still going to school, Monday and Wednesday. It kills me to leave the mountains even for those few hours.
I've gotten really sick since I've been up here. This go go lifestyle is really taking me down. Summit County never sleeps- I'm not lying. We party all night and there is no such thing as sleeping in. I've run myself in to the ground- so much so that I have now developed two callus' on my vocal cords... I have to go to speech therapy... haha gaaaaaaaaaay.
I love this place. I'm so happy. I eat what I want. I keep losing weight. Guys everywhere. Why aren't you here too?

Ahhhh, today. Today I was planning on going skiing, but plans changed. I went to a party last night and had so much fun! I'm getting frustrated with the fact that whenever I have guys as friends, they just don't understand that it means FRIENDS. Not friends with benefits, not friends/ sometimes we make out, not friends+ I like you. I just want to be friends.
Anyway, back to today. I was supposed to go running- I didn't. I should have read- I didn't. I could have studied some french (keep up on my studies)- I didn't. I sat on the couch and watched TV ALL DAY! I watched the last half of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, then I watched Ashlee and Jessica Simpson E! True Hollywood Story, then Britney and Kevin Ferderline E! True Hollywood Story, then I watched Dr. 90210 (which by the way was incredibly inspiring),and now I'm currently watching 2006 Blunders, Break-Ups and Babies. I dont regret a thing.

Downer story, sorry! It was a dream I had last night. Please enjoy...
It’s rather unfortunate that he had to die on a Tuesday. Tuesdays were always my favorite- well at least until he died on a Tuesday. I think Tuesdays are-were God’s favorite too. Tuesday is the day of tranquility and peacefulness… but then again the market did crash on a Tuesday. That’s why it was called Black Tuesday. But somewhere down the line of my childhood, I gathered sympathy for Tuesdays. They were always forgotten. There was no blatant hatred for Tuesdays, like the kind Mondays had. Tuesday isn’t the middle of the week; it’s not the weekend, nor anywhere near it. Tuesday was my favorite day.
He always said that he would find a way to make me hate Tuesdays- he just couldn’t understand why I loved them so much. He tried lots of different things- like pinching Tuesdays, and wedgy Tuesdays. None of those things worked, Tuesday remained my favorite. He grew out of that though, we were only nine when he tried to sabotage the greatest day of the week. It’s funny to think back now, many years later that he truly did succeed in ruining Tuesdays- like he always promised. When he got sick, he laughed that he would make sure he died on a Tuesday. I didn’t think he would die, let alone on a Tuesday.
I am sitting on the beach fondling the necklace he gave me in my hands. I accidentally let a tear role down my check, and for a second, I let it hang there. I wipe it away with anger- he ruined my favorite day. I look down at the locket in my hands. It seems so small now; my adult hands dwarf the necklace. I bitterly open the copper oval and my heart softens as I gaze at the picture inside. He was kissing me on my cheek as I scrunched up my face in disgust. It was my favorite picture.
I remember him taking the locket from my hands. With his bright smiling blue eyes and evil grin, he ran to the waters edge and chucked it in to the ocean. With out hesitation, I jumped in to save my necklace. After taking several minutes to retrieve it, I stamped back to shore, so angry I could utter no words. “Oh you do love me.” My mouth dropped, I was boiling inside. He had made me dive into the ocean- clothes and all- to prove what he already knew. I did love him. I loved him so much. I loved Tuesdays.
I left the ocean and I left him. I left him for a long time and I came back for him, just in time to find out his fatal diagnosis. I wished it had been me who’d gotten sick. I wish that my punishment for abandonment was death, but it was worse, watching death claim someone I loved. I loved him so much. I loved Tuesdays.
I thought that if I hugged him tightly enough and held him long enough, his sickness would transfer in to me. It never worked. It just made me hurt more and there was no end for me. But the long tunnel was calling him quickly.
I push my feet in to the sand. It’s gloomy outside, which I am thankful for. I don’t think I could handle the sun’s cheerful mockery. The clouds give me sympathy, they cry for my loss. My hair is dripping and my tears are now mixed with the fresh water falling from the grey ski.
He stole my bike once. It was a Tuesday. The truth about me loving Tuesdays is very sacred. It wasn’t until he was on his death bed, that I told him the real reason I loved Tuesdays. He took my bike while I was eating breakfast, and when I walked outside, I burst in to tears. I walked to school that day. As I trekked up to the school, there he stood, casually and coolly leaning on a bike with a giant bow attached to the front. He beamed as he recognized the inpatients that radiated from my face. I marched right to him and my bike; I slapped him right across the face. He turned back and kissed me on the nose. With a wink he turned on his heel and strolled in to his class. He understood that he alone, had the power to make me angrier than anyone on the planet. My temper never reflected in him. He never lost patients with me, like I did him- even when I stalled his brand new car a thousand times as he taught me to drive it. I yelled, I had temper tantrums, and he sat calmly as his bright blue eyes smiled.
He held my hand when I put my dog to sleep. He tied my shoelaces together so I’d fall. He threw sand in my face and brought me tissues when I cried. He cursed me for leaving and thanked me for coming home. He forgave me and loved me until the day he no longer took breath. I loved him so much. I loved Tuesdays.
I was stubborn and he was submissive. I thrived in the city; I made a life, a career, and a name for myself. I’m sure he read about me in the papers. I’m sure when people asked about me; he had nothing but nice things to say. I’m sure when I came back because I realized how much he meant to me, people told him he was crazy for loving me again. But the truth is, he never stopped loving me and he was a fool all along. But he wasn’t the fool, I was. I am the fool. I’m the joker who sits in the sand, feet buried, crying and cursing God for taking the two things I loved, him and Tuesdays. I have this locket in my hand; I hold my heart in my palms.
He grabbed my arm and pulled me closely. “I’m going to ruin your Tuesdays once and for all.” He laughed and then coughed deeply. I let a tear roll down my face- the first in front of him since I had left him so many years before. “I met you David Ryan on a Tuesday. I love you so much. I love Tuesdays because I love you so much.”

I hate to see you cry
Lying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears
And listen

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

You know, it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
But, then your circle of friends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who's misunderstood
But I know the heart of life is good
I know it's good

I haven't written in so long. I've returned from my two weeks of travel. I had so much fun. Tampa was a blast, I have to say though, Tampa sucks. I never realized it before, not until I moved there and this last visit confirmed it. The beach is too far away and way too hard to get to (crouded, no parking), and there isn't anything to do but drink at bars and clubs. Palm Beach on the other hand- Oh Palm Beach. I love Palm Beach with heart and soul. Horse back riding, real beaches, night life, pool life, happiness... oh god I love Palm Beach. I had such a great time at Arianne's, I can't even believe it. I almost cried as I boreded the plane. I'll be back soon though, I'll be back soon.
So now my Christmas spirit has taken a serious hit. I went from sunny Florida, where my second family is (my true family), to snowy freezing Colorado... where my "family" is. I've got to rebuild the holiday season cheer, otherwise it's just another year wasted.
I wish I had money- doesn't everyone. But I don't want to buy clothes, I don't need a cool car, or even a nice apartment, I want money so I can just travel. At the drop of a hat, I want to be able to go anywhere I please. I want just enough money to have my own jet and hired pilot.... that would be pretty expensive. Thats all I want in life, even if it's to travel the world in a burlap sack for clothes- just so long as I don't have to stay put.
Dear Santa-
This year, since I've been so good and everything that could have possibly gone wrong in my life did, could I please have a plane with a pilot and the time to travel as much as my heart disires.
Thanks Santa,
You're biggest fan- Evan Glover

Today I have quite a busy today. It all started off with working at 7 until 9. I got off work, came home as fast as I could to register for my classes next semester! I got all except for one- which is pretty damn good! I have Radio and Television broadcasting, Radio and Television announcing, Intro to Childrens lit (online), a Poli Sci class (online) and French II! And! I only go Monday and Wednesday, how freaking bad ass is that?! I'm totally excited. The class I Really wanted to be in was Voice performance- which is when I learn to speak like an announcer. But I'll do that over the summer. And that would be on Tuesday and Thursday, so now I have plenty of days to go skiing!! I'm so excited, I really don't want to fuck this year up! I've already been up 3 times and I'm playing 2-3 more before I got to Florida next week! Woooo!!!
I have so much studying I have to do. I have a big exam tomorrow! I just can't focus. I'm taking my test, then voting, then going to work, then going to the Bill Ritter campainge party!!! Yay! I get to dress- pays to know people I tell ya!
When you trust your television, what you get is what you got- Cause when they own the information, they can bend it all they want.

She held her hand as it fell limp
What does the public do?
We turn our heads, deny all cries
Then leaders avert the view
Now she has it but do we see
Our clothes and cars distract
Do we save our sisters and brothers?
There's no oil for us to act
She's not on our agenda
There's nothing we can do
If only we could benefit
Then their lives could continue
Help is never what it seems
Selfless has no meaning
Love a life and how it ends
This war is not releaving
Their not on our agenda
There's nothing we can do
If only we could benefit
Then we could spare a few
Was it her decision?
An ideal situation?
We've got our hope and coffee
The blind and ignorant nation

This institution that we abide
Is it natural for groom and brige?
Does one heart love only one
Tell your heart the searching's done?
Soul connections are there more?
Don't close the door it's trial and error
I'm not ready to be fenced
Freedom is my defense
Divorces rise, families die
I will stand alone.
No platnum band will bind me down
Never be blinded by any vailed crown
I'll never stain myself in white
Repeated vows will burn out the light
I'm not ready to be fenced
Freedom is my defense
Divorce will rise, familiies still die
I'm not someones to own
There are too many to love
Why limit what you feel
A soul in search of what is not
One love isn't real

I got my french test back today, I got an A! I'm pretty happy with that, I'm doing pretty well in my other classes too. I'm really hoping for a 4.0 this semester. I spent a long time today planning out my schedule for next semester. I register on Monday, I'm pretty excited about the classes I'm taking- if they don't fill up. They're all classes that have to do with my major and both of my minors (Broadcast communications, french, political science).
I'm having a pretty good day, nothing to complain about. I'm going to see Becca in a little while, she's just here for the night. I miss miss miss her! I wish she didn't live in Wyoming, I need a good friend like her closer to home. Her game should be fun tonight.
Well, my aunt in California isn't doing well. Her doctor gave her 2 days to live, but that was last week. She's still trucking along. My cousin Ashley is coming to live with us when my aunt Betty dies. Under different circumstances I'd be really excited. I've never had a sister and I think having her here will be fun. Its hard to enjoy something like that, her mother will have passed and I know it wont be her or our ideal situation. I know that she'll do well here, she's really smart and good at soccer. She's going to go to Arvada West because Ralston wont accept any open enrollment until next August.
My parents are still freaking crazy, this situation gets weirder and weirder. I dont know who to talk to, my mom or my dad. It's just all around awkward.
I'm really enjoying being single. I realized today that I haven't spoken to him in 2 and half months- but it seems SO much longer. It feels like that was a completely different life. I'm so glad I'm done with it, I'm getting used to/enjoying being by myself.
It's the most desperate season...

The first day of November. It's been a lot time since I've written. I dont think much has happened. I found myself to be back to age 19, after a mishap with my ID. I'm currently looking for a replacement but for now I'm damned to house parties and sitting at home. I didn't realize how much I went out until I got the damn thing taken.
Instead of a night of bar hopping I found myself at an old friend's apartment studying- which I can't complain about that. We got to catch up, talk, drink, and study. Janelle and I sipped our Gin and tonics over some music while we chatted. That was a very good halloween, I must say. As for the ID hopefully I can get a new one pretty soon here. My connection seems to be out of town.
Today has been rather busy. I woke up, studied for a french test. Drove myself down town and took my french test- I think I did alright. I came home, got my check from Billy D's and deposited some well needed money. I was able to transfer a hefty sum into my savings account so that is a plus. I went to the doctor for my asthma and then I went to Ralston Valley to see if I could open enroll my cousin. Unfortunately, they are completely full and wont be taking her until next August IF she wins the lottery. My going there apparently has no perks for her.
I'm excited that it's November. October was great, I don't think I wasted it either. The trees are still turning, and now it's ski season. I was, however, able to go on October 24- which is amazing. I think I'll be going up tomorrow after work, just for a short day. Sydni and I will go and have fun together. She likes it in the mountains, she gets to play with all of the other doggies.
Anyway, I'm now rambling, I'll post some poetry I've been working on later.
When everything feels like the movies, yeah you bleed just to know you're alive.

I cannot take how needy she is. She is needy emotionally and phsyically (with her knee broken). I cannot be her husband, I cannot be her nurse, I cannot be her friend. I'm her daughter. I can't fix her marriage nor her problems and I'm going insane. I wish I could move out but I dont have the finances to do that, it's so much less stressful not having to worry about a job and rent. My therapist says I need to stand up to her more but its so hard when she's your mother. I just want to rip my hair out. And on top of her madness SHE NEVER SHUTS UP!
You roll out of bed and down on your knees, and for a momemnt you can hardly breathe

There are 65,993 people in the U.S. with the first name Evan.
Statistically the 669th most popular first name. (tied with 4 other first names)
95.45 percent of people with the first name Evan are male.

"So today or tomorrow the United States will hit 300 million. I would like to be the first person to welcome our newest American... Buenos Dias mi amigo."
-Craig Ferguson
I'm going to see him soon!!!

Today felt like a real fall day... actually it felt like winter. But thats ok because I love it! I listened to jazz on the way to and back from class as the rain fell. Walking to class was kind of a bitch. It's misting outside and freezing BUT I'M NOT COMPLAINING!! I hear the mountains are getting snow and we're supposed to tonight. This is exciting!! Ski season is approaching!
We went out for my dad's birthday last night, very fun. It was a surprise, I didn't get to see his reaction though- I was parking the car. Apparently he was REALLY surprised so job accomplished. We had a great dinner and I did pretty well on my exam when I got home. I got an 86! I was hoping for an A but thats ok, pretty good for studying the day of. I'll do better next time, now that I know how the tests work.
Talked to my french teacher today. She said usually 4 semesters of french isn't enough to go live in france but she said since I was doing so well in the class and she's watched my progress that she thinks that I can do it! Wooo, she suggested doubling up my french classes the semester before I go... that sounds tough.
I got another essay done for my correspondence class, thats 2 down I need to send in. I'm going to work on my maps now too, I just realize how much I like doing homework. I really look forward to it. I'm sure I wont be singing the same toon next semester though, when I'm taking 5 more credit hours than I am now. Oh well, I'm enjoying school for right now.
I got at call this morning at 6 45 from Bill my boss, he wanted me to come in because someone didn't show up. I went at worked from 7-9 20. I love starting off the day at work. Especially because it was so FALL out this morning. Working in a coffee shop is perfect for this weather. I really like where I work... I'm afraid to say that, I might get fired now. hehe ok well I've rambled long enough. Until next time!
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?